The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
