Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
