i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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