last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
