i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
