Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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