when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Randomize
