We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
