Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
