I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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