i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
A+ Viking dick
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
