how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
