and my herpes radar will keep us safe
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
