I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
