Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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