You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
