you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
