I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
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