i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
