I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
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