I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
