Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Randomize
