On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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