pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
