then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
