dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
