Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Randomize
