During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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