u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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