and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
