actually, I'm a sock model
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
