I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
