life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
