So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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