Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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