Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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