oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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