Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
