I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
