There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
