what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
