Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
