She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
