May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
