You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I pour the whiskey from now on
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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