I puked a lego.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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