i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
