I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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