News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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