why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I look better un-naked...
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
